Present

Caught up in the drama of high school, living with a heart slowly doing its best to restart. Most days I try to see the glass half full but it’s always half empty by the end of the day. Walking around like a stoned zombie…er, what I imagine a stoned zombie would look like. I’m constantly writing “Die, Die, My Darling” on my arm, like a statement of how I am. Love/hate relationship with everyone and everything. Sick of being led on. Wanting something real. Waiting…still waiting…every second. People tell me I’m ridiculous, that someone will love me one day, but they don’t know what it’s like—how bad I want to be in love, though I say I don’t. I crave it. I envy anyone who has the love I want.

I love music that you can grow old with. I’m not looking for forever but a real person who won’t hurt me or make me feel low. Real.

Past
Innocent. I only wish. How could a five-year-old small girl live innocent when she is being grasped tight in the claws of an ornery voice? Glass breakage. A few years after he left, the fighting grew through a different throat. The thud of a mother’s body to the floor. Forgiveness screamed, “Accepted.” But I wasn’t. There were so many unwanted people coming in and out of my life. They are now my inspiration for deep thinking and poetry. So must I feel the need to thank them?

My Childhood Self
If I could tell my childhood self anything, it would be: Stop crying. Don’t let them see your weakness. Perhaps I’m too hard on myself as a child, but I wasn’t as strong as I am now, emotionally.

Kids cry, I know. But I used to care what people think and tried to impress them. I want my childself to NOT care.

On Photography
Photography is a way of spirituality. Taking pictures is her escape. Her main subjects are trees and silhouettes.

About the Artist
Ayla is creative and poetic. She loves her friends more than life itself. She doesn’t like to impress, rather, she is impressed by spirituality.